CANDY RIOTS ensued when every household in the upscale Bitterbrook Neighborhood turned out their porch lights Halloween night and refused to answer their doorbells. The Bitterbrook Neighborhood Association issued a statement saying the move was “. . . a protest against the annual influx of children of bad character, who roam the district in disguise and demand candy they do not earn.”

Police report trees “TPed,” trashcans overturned, windows soaped with rude slogans and porch pumpkins smashed across the area. Witnesses relate that children were standing in the street, led by the Peanuts comic strip character Snoopy, chanting: “What do we want? We want that candy! When do we want it? We want that candy now Mother Fuckers!”

The Bitterbrook Association statement holds that: “Candy is not an entitlement!” The statement blames “those same children of bad character” for the damage, calling it “Class Warfare of the worst kind.”

Law enforcement officials are asking anyone with information on the whereabouts of an individual dressed as Snoopy to call the metro police crime watch hotline.

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