TWO BEERS AND A NAP:

The first thing I remember,
as I woke up in my car,
is a night stick on my shoulder
outside that smoky bar.
The constable he told me:
“Son, you can’t sleep out here.”
I wish the sonnabitch’d told me that
before I swallowed my second beer.
Now I’m standing on the pavement
yawning in that man’s face.
He checks my blood ethanol limit
before I’m allowed to leave that place

So, set ‘em up bartender,
whatever you got on tap.
Tonight I’m on a bender.
I’ll need two beers and a nap.
Two brews down my gullet,
I’ll be feelin’ it tonight.
Dos cervezas to the limit,
I’ll be good to go alright.
Yeah, por favor bartender,
whatever there is on tap.
This old man’s on a bender.
I need two beers and a nap.

Lay me down ’til tomorrow
with a pillow on my ear.
Leave the TV tuned to Matlock
’til I sleep off this beer.
Some younger men will laugh off
my lack of fortitude.
Lost in a meditative state you’ll find me.
It don’t take too much to get me stewed.
Now, I’m passed out in the men’s room
of some sports bar at the mall.
My rowdy pals will party all night,
but I’ll never, ever see last call.

So, set ‘em up bartender,
whatever you got on tap.
Tonight I’m on a bender.
I’ll need two beers and a nap.
Two brews down my gullet,
I’ll be feelin’ it tonight.
Dos cervezas to the limit,
I’ll be good to go alright.
Yeah, por favor bartender,
whatever there is on tap.
This old man’s on a bender.
I need two beers and a nap.

My ex-wife used to tell me:
“Dad, you better just stay home.
Miller High Life’s in the ice box.
You got no call to roam.
You’ll wind up down at Pauline’s
face down in your own drool.”
I’d be a sonnabitch to fall for that.
I ain’t no domesticated fool.
So, I’d drive off in my Pinto.
I got me a short fuse.
I’d meet up with my good old time bro
for two big rounds of booze and a snooze.

So, set ‘em up bartender,
whatever you got on tap.
Tonight I’m on a bender.
I’ll need two beers and a nap.
Two brews down my gullet,
I’ll be feelin’ it tonight.
Dos cervezas to the limit,
I’ll be good to go alright.
Yeah, por favor bartender,
whatever there is on tap.
This old man’s on a bender.
I need two beers and a nap.

.